Resentment is Poison

Recently I have been working with a number of individuals who are struggling to come to grips with resentments that are building in their relationships.  Here is a wonderful article on what to do to stop it (sent to me by one of my clients – I am not sure where it was orginally posted)

Resentment is Poison

While most partners struggle with resentment at times, if it’s allowed to accumulate and isn’t dealt with, it can be poisonous to a relationship.

“Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins,” declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you.

It’s easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to become obsessed with how things “should” have been and how your partner “should” have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping your mate with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even.

The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction. When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, and daily agitation—to say nothing of how destructive this is to your romantic relationship.

The longer you carry resentment and grudges, the heavier the load gets. Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. And when you’re not at peace with yourself, you can’t create a peaceful, harmonious relationship with your partner.

So what can you do? What is the antidote to anger and resentment? The answer lies in letting go and practicing forgiveness. You can’t change what has happened, and you can’t control what your partner chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make.

You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can talk to your mate about your feelings and process them so that you don’t bury them, only to have them pop up in destructive ways later.

You can write your feelings in a private journal and pray or meditate about the situation. You also have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you.

You can also reassess what’s most important to you in your relationship. Would you rather be happy or be “right”? And would you rather feel disconnected or feel in harmony with your partner?

A major reason for practicing forgiveness is so you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. One thing’s for sure—you’ll never have a peaceful relationship until you are at peace within yourself.

“It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely.”
—Dr. Wayne Dyer